AML Season 13 Quarterfinals Predictions
The playoffs are here in what might be the most open AML season ever. Looks like Mizerie's uparrow rating system (UPRS) has proven successful. It's pretty easy, anyone who taps the uparrow key even once during a game gets a +10.00 rating and thrown out of the league. The rating system has killed the old playing style of AML. It used to be three scrubs would fly around randomly and let their ringer do all the work. Now every game is eight scrubs flying round randomly waiting for overtime.
Eight squads managed to endure this excitement week after week to make the AML playoffs and the Vorbometer is back once again to tell you what to think. How have you managed without me?
Secret are the new No Data of AML. Eurolaggers, lobbers, deep roster, good regular season team, chokers in the playoffs.
Alc are a one man team. They are led on the field and off the field by the living God known simply as cirrhosis. I have no idea how the ratings panel missed this guy, he should be starting in Pro. In fact, the staff should make another league above Pro. Then make another league above that one for cirrhosis to display his godlike powers to the thousands of adoring fans in the spec freq. This is a man (I say man, only because 'God' seems inadequate) who can dominate a game while sitting in spec, can sub in and go 12-0 yet manage to share those kills among his team-mates so it looks like he really went 1-1. Makes the Jesus loaves and fishes thing look like a cheap conjuring trick.
Secret have no chance. In fact just showing up would be an insult to the legend that is cirrhosis.
Vorbometer: 12-0 Alcoholism
Key players: cirrhosis (alc)
Watch out for: cirrhosis, who else?
$$$ Match of the Week $$$
A lot of people think that Llamasery is a cult, but it's even worse than that. They're all zombies. You'd of thought their kill macro would've been a dead giveaway:
"Brains Brains Brains Brains Brains %killed Brains Brains"
It doesn't matter what their opponents try to do, they just keep slowly lumbering forward. You know you're going to get eaten eventually. No matter what pre-game plans you've drawn up, the inevitability of it all just drives you mad and after 40 minutes of holding out at 0-0 you give up and you're zombie food. Jocker can fire as many emps as he likes, it's not going to help. It's hard to MVP when Suppoko is sucking your brains out through your nostrils.
Vorbometer: 8-6 AMLlamasery
Key players: Jocker (ext), o'doylerules (llamas)
Watch out for: Brains!
Lets kill the myth right now that Warlords are head and shoulders above everyone else in AML this season. Warlords aren't that good. Really, they're not. I know they've only lost one game all season, but that doesn't matter. Acidreign finished the regular season 16-1 and the top rated AML pilot. I've no idea how though as he can't aim. They always have at least one slot in every game for their spider pilots as it's always handy to have a cloaker three screens away from the action and Mizerie could get himself isolated in Tiananmen Square during The National Whole Population of China Stands in Tiananmen Square Day.
After saying that they do do two things really well (everyone should construct a sentence where you can fit 'do do' in). Those are being able to play in space and maintain separation between themselves and their opponents. The other thing they do well is back each other up. Against most AML squads this season that has been enough to win and has brought them this far, but if a team can put pressure on them through a full 45 minute game I think they'll crack.
Luckily they're playing Hitlist on Sunday who couldn't exert pressure if their very lives depended on it. They played Alc last Sunday and managed to while away the majority of the match hiding in a box. I heard that Osama Bin Laden took time out from his busy schedule to spec some Premier League last weekend and was heard to say "Damn, I thought I was a chickenshit hiding fuck, but Hitlist take the biscuit. Death to America."
I don't think Warlords are going to make it to the finals. Some squad is going to blow them out, but it's not going to be Hitlist.
Vorbometer: 10-5 Walords
Key players: Miz (WL), Geek (HL)
Watch out for: The spec freq in pre-game guessing which box Hitlist are going to hide in for the first twenty minutes of the match.
I do have respect for Solar Hydro as a person and as a squad captain so I do not think that he is cheating, but quite frankly I'm sick of SFA and their 'Amazing Lag'. I've played them twice this season and have had to endure unholy tankage, people quite happily chugging along firing bombs and bullets after taking an emp or three and the clincher - chasing someone who's red then watching them escape by flying through a wall.
Now every squad has someone like this on their roster and you just have to live with it. Some, mostly Euro-based, squads may have two. It's not nice but you can work with it. All four of SFA's regular starters and their first two sub choices are like this. It's just not funny anymore knowing that you have to do three times the damage that SFA do just to stay even and if you do ever get any of them in trouble they can just sub in another lag monster for more fun and games.
If I was ReDS I would just let 5ass go on an AnalIntruder-like random lanc bombing rampage and just hope that speed, vT or whoever spikes onto one or two of them. It's the only chance they've got.
Vorbometer: 12-6 StarFire Academy
Key Players: vT (SFA), 5ass (ReDS)
Watch out for: The greatest display of tanking since Superman 3, you know, when he moved all those supertankers into the middle of the ocean. That was some great tanking.
posted by CelebPixx
